"Like a Virgin" isn't just fodder for feminism debates and college term papers. It's also a marketing paradigm explored in a newsletter article called "Like a Virgin: Is Your Marketing as Fresh as Madonna's?" that is the shittiest piece of writing I have ever seen by an adult. Yes, I joined the marketing newsletter to be able to see the story. And OMG, was it worth it! I'm going to give you a rundown of the best bits and my take on them, but I encourage you to join MarketingProfs.com today!
Sean D'Souza, who claims to help you harness 5,000-year-old "psychological tactics" to sell shit, actually wrote these things in a newsletter supposedly written by marketing professors and professionals:
While Madonna soars, everyone else seems to stumble, bumble and disappear down a deep, dark hole.
Paging Dr. Freud!
Simple snip-snaps you and I understand. Which is why even Einstein kept it down to E=mc2 despite reinventing everything science stood for.
I cannot even begin to comment on that one.
Hey, Frank Sinatra was a great singer, but he just didn't have Madonna's figure and he'd look crappy as a blonde. Which is pretty much the crux of the issue.
And that's why he failed miserably!
Sting is a good example of a parallel Madonna run backwards.
Exactly! And I've always said that this blog is a good example of a bias-cut Engelbert Humperdinck pressed through a Play-Doh pasta maker.
Sometimes the reinvention is loud and sometimes its soft but it's never non-existent.
I will give Sean D'Souza credit for this one: Nonexistent reinventions do not, in fact, exist.
You can serve twenty shoddy meals at your restaurant and still get away with it, but [pop stars] can't.
This is so not true. Everyone in the know about "the industry" will tell you that the Denny's Incident was what did in the Backstreet Boys.
And now my favorite: The Cavalcade of Mixed Metaphors!
Madonna seems to have used the same bag of tricks. Reinventing herself in almost clockwork fashion she has transmogrified herself successfully into virgin, material girl, boy toy, dominatrix, media maven to working mom.
Out with the Cabbage, In with the Tomatoes!
Replant the Garden, Don't Chop the Trees! Are we suggesting you reinvent the wheel? Madonna doesn't think so. Like a hardcore brand specialist, Madonna has actually stuck to her brand like glue.
Don't Reinvent the Goodyear!
So, in conclusion: Marketing's answer to Dr. Nick says that if you want to sell more crap, you need to get rid of that cabbage; plant some transmogrified 5,000-year-old tomatoes in your deep, dark hole; and run them backward. Just like a virgin.
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