Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Madonna vs. Weird Al, Round 3 (The Chorus)

To recap: Weird Al won Round 1 by not being so redundant. Madonna quickly bounced back for a Round 2 win with some richness of meaning as Weird Al strained for a lame joke. Now we arrive at Stanza 3, which happens to be the payoff, the chorus.

Madonna:

Like a virgin -- hey!

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats

Next to mine

Analysis: Madonna gets off to a quick start in this round. The first two lines are definitely catchy and memorable, which is all you can ask for in a pop-song chorus. Very original. Just about perfect for what she was aiming for. Plus there's that hilarious "Hey!" The second half of the chorus, though: Yuck. OMG, could it be any cheesier? Of all the new sensations associated with losing one's virginity, that's what she picked? Give me a break! Schlock city.

Bottom Line: The terrific first two lines and "hey" help us overlook the awful second two lines. Thank god the second half of the chorus also starts with "Like a virgin," because then we can just relive the first two when we hear the end of the chorus.

Weird Al:

Like a surgeon

Cuttin' for the very first time

Like a surgeon

Organ transplants are my line

Analysis: OK, the concept is pretty funny. But the two lines with meat in this chorus are both pretty lame. First of all, "cuttin' for the very first time" doesn't make him like a surgeon; it makes him a rookie surgeon. Madonna's first two lines of the chorus have more intellectual consistency. And then, who's gonna believe that someone cuttin' for the first time is doing a transplant? At the very least, didn't he do some cuttin' in med school?

Bottom Line: Kinda cute but a pretty lame attempt. Nothing like the rigor shown in later Weird Al work. A disappointing chorus.

Verdict: Madonna takes a 2-1 lead in a walk.

0 deflowerings: