Conservative Jealousy

As anyone who knows me well knows, one of my favorite things in the world is thinking about right-wingers' bizarre relationship with sex. I can armchair psychoanalyze with the best 5-cent Freudians, and if it weren't for baseball statistics, it would be one of my favorite hobbies. So I saw this three-year-old column by the hard-to-believe-he-really-exists Ben Shapiro on "Like a Virgin," and I just had to comment on it.

We're all familiar with the religious right's obsession with what it considers to be deviant sex, roughly defined as gay sex and/or sex had by women (as if they had the right!). And we're all familiar with the sexist double standard and the slut shaming. So I thought it would be interesting to hang out with Ben for a while, because he fervently, publicly proclaims his virginity all over the place. So he at least doesn't participate in one of the most popular hypocrisies.

My conclusion in this case is that, while most of the religious right is primarily motivated by their small cocks or latent homosexuality, Ben is all about the jealousy. I'm all for uptight young men not putting out. (You go, boy! Hope that works out for ya!) But his whole thing is if he's not getting some, ain't no one allowed to get some. He is so bothered by the idea that Britney had sex.

I mean, what's your reaction when you hear a rich, white, young, turbo-preppy, anti-sex, conservative man call any woman, even Britney, a slut in a syndicated column? It's pretty creepy, huh? Or when you hear a rich, white, well-educated , conservative, sexist, presumably straight man complain that his kind doesn't control enough of the country? Well, that's just funny.